i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
