just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
