There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
