I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
