I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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