ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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