i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
