You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
