she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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