I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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