I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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