Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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