im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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