You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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