How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So squirting runs in the family.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
