We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
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Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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