he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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