Just fell off a train. Bad.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
