so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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