I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
