A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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