The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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