now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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