Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
