Don't make out with my wife yet
My balls are so social today.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize