go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
