somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
