The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
