I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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