Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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