Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
