he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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