it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
