Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
