The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
