Buhtt sex?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
