So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
