When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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