Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
