hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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