Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think a kid would responsible me up
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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