how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
