with your own penis?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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