My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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