i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
