There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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