Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
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If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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