turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
