he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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