Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
