I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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