I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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