Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
