I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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