You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
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Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.