i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order