Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
