i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.