the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it