Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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