she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
