Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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