I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
