I forgot how hot balto sounded
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
