How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
