One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
