Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We have so much sex to catch up on
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
