My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
