I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
