She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
