Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
