dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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