i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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