Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You took a bar mat shot.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
