but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
