She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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