problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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